a crow never calls in vain a crow calls a crow a friend one or two or three times together over streets of intersecting lines of communication in four dimensions over time space sound social networks an electronic spider on a silken string we see and are seen in a flash of patterns against a gray backdrop of dilated consequence in liquid motion of wings we fly to.
February 3, 2021
It is the purest slice of heaven to share a household with you to dream a dream with you to build a life with you in a kitchen without a table we're content to sit on the floor.
"I can't wait to see you."
Dazzled. Humbled.
We share a meal, a game, a show, a movie, an anime. We talk, debate, (the intensity of those eyes), and there's that smile like a burst of sunshine, and that laugh that makes me smile, and we hug and--
You cough and I hold my breath. Are you warm enough? How did you sleep? Do you need a blanket, a glass of water?
All is right with the world only when all is right with you.
Am I a freak? Probably. Weirdo, to love some other mothers' child. Love, complete. "You are family." I cried on the bus but I always cry on the bus. I'm a faulty faucet a weeping willow a salty subject to a menopause mess.
Twenty five, you say? I'll raise you forty-six and childless, an old spinster, a nobody to anybody.
"What if I get used to this?" I laughed. "To having friends?"
You replied, as we walked side by side, "You'll build a life outside your trauma."
Speechless. Graced by your wisdom. Grateful for your friendship, your company, your trust.
You are my honest friend, my Millennial bestie.
You are a strong young man who drew an old maid from a deep well.
You were a good kid in a bad situation.
You were worth listening to. You were worth protecting. You were worth loving. Every moment, every day. You still are.
Believe it.
January 27, 2021
how can i convey what it was like
to learn to love at forty six?
in a storage room
in a throne room
listening and
listened to
i spoke
'i was not allowed to love
it was not safe to love
i need to love
you need to be loved'
my kids
my Millennials
my Gen Zees
my heart
broke open
when we
met at Moses
my best friend
my honest friend
(you saw me
i saw you)
motherless
child
childless
mother
i swam up through
oxytocin eyes
and breathed
in twenty-
five years of grief
bridged by the
backbone of
a titan
tapped out
in words that spilled
and spilled into
a pool
a stream
a river
an ocean
a thundering
heart
beat
folded into
steel
to pierce the
hooded eyes of the
world
in a little city
in a park
in a studio
in a storage room
in a throne room
in free fall
i opened my arms
and was embraced by a
life worth living
by a family worth loving
in the year of the virus
in the best year
of my life.
January 2021
