laugh if you want to call me produce lady call me man call me virgin call me Ripley call me lesbo go ahead feel good feel superior laugh that self-satisfied laugh at my expense cause i can afford it now cause your words don't matter anymore to me cause i don't got to compromise anymore cause i don't got to sacrifice myself anymore when i walk out that door at 6am when i talk to myself to keep myself on track when i have a bad day when i got to recite my recitation on the bus to keep myself to myself i can still walk with my head held high burdened only by my warm coat and my lunch bag and my groceries and not anymore by self-hate and shame i'm not ashamed of who i am i'm not ashamed of how i live i don't need anything from you you stranger you unknown don't speak to me don't look at me don't stand near me i don't owe you anything i don't need your permission your understanding your good graces your charity your blessing and you don't need my fake smile my fake laugh my retail face cause that's all i got for you cause i don't need to forgive cause i can't forget it's somewhere in my bones down below the shower drain and the sticky carpet fibers and the warm plastic linoleum i couldn't find it if i wanted to and i don't i just want to keep on walking until i can't walk anymore and when i can't well somewhere inside i know the deal i know her name i'll take it with me i've got five minutes here i am this is all i'll ever be this is more than i've ever been i got what i need i fade it's leaf fall it's rain you feel you can't hear it's winter silence it's time o'clock it's all alone good morning
October 8, 2021
