Month: October 2021

that 6:30 emptiness
appeals to me most on
autumn days when the
aluminum light of dawn
is no longer hoisted high
by busy bird song, but
hasn't yet been blacked
out by cloudy catatonia,
when my city becomes,
for so brief a time, an
empty church where i can
walk quietly because no one
is there, when every brake
light and traffic signal is
picked out in isolation and
the wind blows no trash and
the crows can't commit to
east or west, but remain
wise and unhindered as
broken clouds drift in
broken bands in slow
procession toward the
high rises, their destination
past the horizon, but i'm
gone by then, on a quiet
bus, with the windows
open, separating seeds
from banal contentment,
knowing only how fleeting
this moment is, in autumn,
on my way to work,
to hear a lone
crow's
call.

October 8, 2021

laugh if you want to
call me produce lady
call me man
call me virgin
call me Ripley
call me lesbo
go ahead
feel good
feel superior
laugh that self-satisfied laugh
at my expense
cause i can afford it now
cause your words don't matter anymore
to me
cause i don't got to compromise anymore
cause i don't got to sacrifice myself anymore
when i walk out that door at 6am
when i talk to myself to keep myself on track
when i have a bad day
when i got to recite my recitation on the bus
to keep myself to myself
i can still walk with my head held high
burdened only by my warm coat
and my lunch bag and my groceries
and not anymore by self-hate
and shame
i'm not ashamed of who i am
i'm not ashamed of how i live
i don't need anything from you
you stranger
you unknown
don't speak to me
don't look at me
don't stand near me
i don't owe you anything
i don't need your permission
your understanding
your good graces
your charity
your blessing
and you don't need
my fake smile
my fake laugh
my retail face
cause that's all i got for you
cause i don't need to forgive
cause i can't forget
it's somewhere in my bones
down below the shower drain
and the sticky carpet fibers
and the warm plastic linoleum
i couldn't find it if i wanted to
and i don't
i just want to keep on walking until
i can't walk anymore and when i can't
well
somewhere inside i know the deal
i know her name
i'll take it with me
i've got five minutes
here i am
this is all i'll ever be
this is more than i've ever been
i got what i need
i fade
it's leaf fall
it's rain you feel
you can't hear it's winter
silence it's time o'clock it's all alone

good morning

October 8, 2021

remember, you're meat.

you're adipose tissue.
you're organs.
you're glands.

you can be
replaced

by a machine
by a plastic mouth
by a whore
by a neighbor
by a child
by an animal
by a
warm
wet hole
penned in
light draws
the eyes to
your tits
your ass
your crotch
draws the
bull's
eye
to
you,

meat.
dick plow.
human toilet.
emptied into. dripping.
brains or inhuman smear.
fertile abandonment.
subject.
abject.
nothing you do matters.
nothing you think matters.
nothing matters over meat.
not your goals, not your ambitions.
not your thoughts. not your art.
not your future. you are
lobotomized. you are

nothing but meat.

remember.

you aren't a person.
you aren't an individual.
you aren't autonomous.
you aren't free.
you aren't powerful.

you are meat.
remember.

with every word,
with every look,
with every motion.

you are nothing.
you are meat.
you are prey.
you are subject,
object. internalized

meat.

remember.
there is no beauty.
there is no love.

whatever you were thinking,
whatever you were doing,
whatever you were feeling,

this is your reminder,
meat.

none of it matters.
you don't matter.

you are nothing.

you are meat.

October 8, 2021